Feng Shui: DOs & TABOOs
by ShuLynn13
Summary: Matsumoto has discovered Feng Shui and is determined to renovate the tenth division office. Her Captain is bribed with paperwork and goes along with it. TIPS TAKEN FROM ACTUAL BOOK. READ FOR A STORY OR SIMPLY FOR FENG SHUI ADVICE! that is...if you want to


_A/n: so i was watching t.v. when my moms Feng Shui book caught my eye and almost instantley this idea for a fanfic popped in my head. let me know how i did._

_ps: for whom it may concern i haven't given up on my Naruto fic, my muse is just on vaca. dont worry though, once the boredom that it school comes along ill be updating more often. (School for me starts Sept. 4...so close i want to cry _TT)

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"Matsumoto." 

Silence.

"Matsumoto!"

"Hm?" Hitsugaya Toushiro glared over his desk across the room of the office toward where his lieutenant, Matsumoto Rangiku, was lazily laying on her side on the couch looking away from her captain.

"Don't you have some paperwork you should be doing?" Hitsugaya asked growing steadily more and more annoyed that his subordinate was not even looking at him while he addressed her. Said person rose a hand in the air and with a shooing motion responded.

"Yeah, yeah. Later, I'm busy right now." It took all the self-control the young captain had to keep his eye from twitching uncontrollably.

"Busy.With.What?" he asked in a tone that would have almost seemed calm, had it not been bathed in acid.

"Reading." was the short answer. Hitsugaya's annoyance with Matsumoto was immediately swallowed up by the overwhelming shock the statement caused the former.

"Since when do you read?" he asked purely out of curiosity. At this, the lieutenant turned her body just enough for her to be facing her captain, a faked hurt look on her face.

"Why, Captain, I'm hurt by that. I read all the time. I mean, just last week you yelled at me for-"

"Skimming through human fashion magazines doesn't count as reading."

"Ooookaaay, than how about last Wednesday when-"

"Screaming about horoscopes isn't what I mean either." Matsumoto started pouting; she was running out examples. She fell silent again for a few minutes and Hitsugaya resumed his paperwork.

"Hmmmmm. Oh! I got one!" the sudden outburst caused the captain of tenth division to jump and accidentally knock over his inkwell. He glared miserably at the ruined, half-filled out form, then sighed and cleaned up the mess before looking up at Masumoto, signaling her to continue.

"Remember a couple of months ago when you had a nasty flu? Well, if you recall, you refused to stay in bed, so Momo and myself had to keep watch over you, and I distinctly remember taking turns reading fairytales to you from that book Ichigo gave you for your birthday that one year. You remember right? Then you got mad because you fell asleep and didn't hear the end of that Jack and the Beanstalk one." The temperature of the room dropped noticeably.

"You swore to never bring that up again! Besides; I didn't like those fairytales, they were obnoxiously childish." Hitsugaya said matter-of-factly, sitting back in his chair and folding his while glaring at Matsumoto. If he was lucky she might just drop the matter. However, he was rarely, if ever, lucky in these situations.

"If you didn't like them than how come you were so worried about what Jack's fate was?" she asked, an amused smile on her face. The captain was caught off guard for a moment, but quickly regained his composure.

" I wasn't worried. I simply related to him and his…er, stature problem while in the giant's world. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. What are you reading right now that's so important you cant possibly do any of your paperwork at the moment?" he stumbled to change the subject and now felt relieved that it was someone else who currently had to defend their actions.

"Oh, this?" she asked, holding up a small red book for him to see. "It's a book on the basic "DOs & TABOOs of Feng Shui. I borrowed it from your girlfriend, Momo." She said, waving the book back and forth as she walked over to his desk.

"She' not my g-"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say Captain. Anyway, after reading this, I think the reason I can never seem to concentrate on paperwork is because the Feng Shui of your office is all screwed up."

"So, in theory what you're saying is, if I rearranged my office, you would be able to focus more on your paperwork?" Hitsugaya asked, hope welling inside of him. At least it was, until his own logic set in. "But how do I know that you're not just trying to fool me into doing what you want? I could completely re-renovate the whole office only to have you say something along the lines of," here he clasped his hands together and batted his eyes a few times. Then he continued in a higher pitched voice "'Oh, Captain, I feel just as un-focused as ever. I guess I was wrong. Oh well!'" he shrugged his shoulders, then he stood pointed toward the door, put a ridiculously happy look on his face, and kept going with the higher pitch still in his voice "'I'm off to go get wasted with Kira, and Hisagi, and them!'" He then sat back down, re-instated his usual scowl, and finished in his regular voice "Am I right?" Matsumoto just stood there for a few moments and then, when she came back to earth (soul society, whatever) she held up two fingers in the short captains face.

"Two things Captain. One, you pull off a girl frighteningly well. If being a captain doesn't work out well, you could always have a career in an…_alternative_ lifestyle. If you know what I mean" Hitsugaya's face turned bright red.

"SH-SHUT UP! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!!" he screamed at the woman, only to have her laugh in his face.

"Disgusting? How so? What were _you_ thinking about Captain?" She asked, tilting her head to the side. The boy turned an even deeper shade of red and looked away from the woman standing in front of him.

"Nothing" he muttered.

"Suuuuure. Anyway, number two, I promise to do all the paperwork for a month after we finish this little…project whether I feel a change or not. That should be okay, right?" she asked. Hitsugaya was thinking it over. The office was pretty plain, and if this Feng Shui stuff did actually work, he would get the benefits of it too. If it didn't, well, Matsumoto would still be doing the paperwork for a month. So, it was a win-win situation.

"Fine" he sighed. Matsumoto jumped with joy.

" Oh this is gonna be so much fun! We'll start next month, ok? I have to go tell Kira and them" she squealed with excitement.

"Eh, maybe it wont be so bad" Hitsugaya said more to himself then anything. Then he noticed his lieutenant had disappeared from the office.

"OI! MATSUMOTO, GET BACK HERE! YOU STILL NEED TO DO THIS PAPERWORK! MATSUMOTO! MATSUMOTOOOOOOOOOOO!

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_A/n: yea, for the most part i tried to keep them in character, and i think i did (well, except for that little with Shiro ranting)...did I?_


End file.
